Although I "prepared" for the possibility of a c-section, it was far from my mind when we actually started the labor process. Even though I knew it was a definite possibility, I decided not to let my mind go there until it was time.
I considered myself "ready." Or at least as ready as I would ever be.
On Monday, July 29th, we went to what we hoped would be my last doctor's appointment before our little guy's arrival. I was one day past my "new" due date and 3 days away from my original due date. My doctor came in and checked my progress (which for the past 2 weeks had been NOTHING) and informed us that I was a starting to dilate but not enough to suggest anything would happen soon.
::SIGH:: I had really been hoping for better news.
So, my doctor said she wanted to go ahead and induce me. A lot of factors went in to this decision but the main one was my blood pressure at been borderline high the entire pregnancy and was only continuing to climb in the final weeks. Since I hadn't progressed in the past few weeks, she didn't feel comfortable waiting another week. I was also swollen and miserable and definitely ready to get the boy out!
A call to the hospital and we were scheduled to go in THAT NIGHT. WHAT?!? My doctor said she scheduled me for "cervical ripening" (I know...gross) that night and then would induce me Tuesday morning. We smiled and nodded and left the office trying to wrap our heads around the idea that Josh would be here in a matter of hours.
Jon went to work and I went shopping with my mom (great distraction). We called family and told a few close friends the plan. I was SO excited to finally be moving things along that I didn't really have time to think through exactly what was about to happen.
Per my doctor's advice, we enjoyed a nice dinner together before heading to the hospital. She warned me that I wouldn't be able to eat once I checked in so to eat whatever I wanted! And I did! We returned home and made sure everything was packed and ready and headed to the hospital for our 10:00 pm check in.
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| Last belly pic! |
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| Heading to the hospital! |
We arrived at the hospital and got all checked in and into our room by 11:00 pm. I got hooked up to an IV and the nurse explained what the night would look like for me. I was going to start the ripening and receive a new dose of the medication every 6 hours until I was ready to be induced. She said I would experience some cramping but otherwise should be fairly comfortable. I was optimistic that I would get at least a few hours of sleep.
I should've known better.
The cramping was awful. Felt like the worst period cramps ever and they didn't stop until I actually had Josh. My lower back was what hurt the most and I could not get comfortable enough to sleep. Plus they had to keep checking my vitals every couple hours so it was a pretty restless evening. Poor Jon had to try and sleep on this pull out chair thing:
After 6 hours they checked me to make sure the meds were working and they determined I didn't need another dose. Yay! The nurse told me my doctor would be in around 9 to decide the next steps so to just wait it out until then.
By about 7:00 am I was STARVING and literally couldn't think about anything else besides food. I knew I wouldn't be able to eat but I asked the nurse anyway. Lo and behold she called my doctor for me and she said I could have something light before they started the induction. That bagel and yogurt was the best thing I had ever tasted. I ate and took a shower and felt like a new person!
Around 9:30 my doctor arrived and said to start Pitocin. They started a pretty low dose and then would increase it slightly every 30 minutes. I started having contractions pretty consistently but they didn't hurt at all. It just felt like a tight ball in my stomach. I got out of bed and sat in the rocking chair for a couple hours during the early contractions. I remember thinking: "I can handle this!"
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| Watching Gilmore Girls during early contractions |
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| They were pretty strong (this particular one was 101) but not painful...yet |
My mom arrived shortly after the Pitocin started and our dear friend Taraleigh arrived to take some pictures. At this point we were still having "fun" and anticipating Josh's arrival by the end of the day.
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| Still smiling! This was right after the Pitocin started |
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| Me and my Momma right before my water broke |
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| Our goal for the day was to welcome Josh! |
2 hours later my doctor returned and I hadn't made any progress in dilation. So, she decided to break my water to really get active labor started. It was the weirdest feeling to have my water break and it continued for a couple hours. GROSS!
Once my water broke it really got fun. Over the next 4 1/2 hours the contractions got more intense and closer together. Labor is no joke. My only goal during contractions was to keep breathing and not be too mean to my husband :) I managed both! I think I did tell him and my mom to shut up at one point but I apologized once that contraction was over. I grabbed Jon's arm and pounded my fist into his back, which he said felt kind of like a back massage. I didn't do any screaming but I moaned and groaned really loudly and low. I'm sure I sounded like a cow. They even came and shut my door completely at one point because I was being so loud. I blame my singer's lungs.
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| Oh I remember the pain! |
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| This was right after a contraction. I managed to smile still! |
After 4 1/2 hours of intense, painful, horrific (and every other synonym) contractions I decided to get the epidural. They told me it would be about 40 minutes until I would get one so I braced myself to stick it out. I sucked on ice chips, kept moaning and pounding on my husband's back and checked the clock every 15 minutes.
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| Trying to focus and breathe while waiting for the epidural |
40 minutes they said. Well they lied.
An hour and a half later I finally got the epidural. Say whatever you want about using drugs during labor but I am nothing but a HUGE fan of epidurals now. I would've loved to have made it through labor without one but once my contractions were right on top of each other and I started shaking and my blood pressure spiked to 170 (!!) I knew it was the wisest decision to go ahead and get one.
Once the epidural was in (which didn't hurt near as much as I thought it would) I was able to rest and actually lay down. I told everyone I was getting them an epidural for Christmas because it felt so wonderful! Like laying on a giant heating pad. I could still feel my toes and legs but the lower back pain dropped significantly and the contractions just felt like mild cramps. It was glorious.
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| Resting after the epidural |
She checked. Bad news.
I was 2 centimeters. 2 lousy centimeters. I felt like crying (that would come later) and then I felt like a wimp. I started questioning if it was really the right decision to have gotten the epidural when I wasn't very far along and if that was going to stall any further progress. I wondered if I would ever have this baby.
They took me off the Pitocin because I was still having contractions on my own. I kept the epidural going and was able to sleep a bit more. My mom and husband got food while I "slept" and the nurse kept checking my vitals.
A few hours later she checked me again. Much better news this time!
"You've made it to 4 cm!"
Well maybe I would have this baby after all!
At this point they started the Pitocin again to try and speed up my progress. I didn't really care what they did at this point because I had my trusty epidural friend by my side. I kept pressing that button every 20 minutes and boy was it nice!
Around 6 pm my nurse came in to tell me that Josh was "misbehaving." His heart rate was a bit irregular and the pattern he was showing wasn't the best. Immediately my heart dropped. I tried to listen to what she was telling me but all I could do was think of every worst case scenario. She told me not to worry that they were going to keep an eye on it and try and figure out the cause of the irregularity (known as decels).
Any chance of resting at this point was out of the question.
I laid there and worried. I prayed. I pleaded with God to keep our little boy safe.
There was no change for the next hour so I had an internal monitor put in so that they could track what Josh's heart was doing more accurately. They stopped the Pitocin again to see if that was causing the decels and we continued to wait.
My dad arrived shortly after the internal monitor was put in and he stayed by my side watching that contraction monitor like a hawk. It was so reassuring to have him there to tell me what was going on. He told me later after Josh was born that he rushed to the hospital as soon as he heard what was going on. Apparently this situation was something you rushed for. I'm glad I didn't know that at the time.
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| Keeping family and friends updated |
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| Dad keeping an eye on everything
From about 8 pm - 11pm, they kept monitoring Josh's heart patterns. During this time I was taken on and off Pitocin a few times and I also developed a really high (103 degree) fever. I was shaking constantly (a side effect of the epidural) and could not rest at all. By 11 pm I had made it to only 5 cm. By this point I knew we were in for a long night and the hope of having our boy that day seemed long gone.
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The next couple of hours passed. No improvement. I had managed 1 more centimeter in 3 hours...definitely not the super quick progress I was hoping for.
At 1:15 am my nurse told me that my doctor thought it best to do a c-section before it became an emergency situation. It was scheduled for 1:40 am. All the emotions I had been internalizing all day came out like a flood. I cried and cried. Nothing had gone like I "planned" and on top of that I was worried Josh wouldn't be ok. I was worried about the recovery after a c-section, knowing it would be about 6 weeks before I could do simple household things. I knew this meant staying in the hospital longer which I wasn't looking forward to.
My husband and parents prayed for me and Josh. My mom, who has had two c-sections, assured me that I would be fine. I dried my eyes and trusted God. He had carried us this far and I knew he would continue to be faithful.
Paperwork and a chat with the anesthesiologist quickly followed. Jon got dressed in his scrubs and my parents packed up our stuff to be moved to our recovery room. 30 minutes later I was being wheeled to the operating room.
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| About to head to the operating room |
I was immediately given another epidural - this time one that would numb everything everything below my chest. The anesthesiologist talked to me through the whole thing, asking me questions I really didn't want to answer. It was a good distraction though. I was put on a board and then transferred to the operating table. It was bizarre not being able to feel anything yet still be aware of my body. My doctor started doing the practice pricks making sure I couldn't feel any pain. I was nervous about that part - worried that once they started cutting I would suddenly be able to feel it! Once I confirmed that I could feel pressure but not pain they draped me up and called Jon in.
He stayed by my head and reassured me that everything would be ok. I'm so glad he was able to be in the room with me. Once the surgery actually started I felt better. I actually fell asleep once during it and when I woke back up it took me a while to remember where I was and why I was staring at a blue sheet above my head.
Let me just say - having people cut you open and pull and tug on you but not being able to feel the pain of it is the weirdest feeling I've ever experienced. Kind of like when you have your hair cut - you can feel it happening but it doesn't hurt. I felt every incision, cut and pull but none of it hurt. Bizarre.
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| Trying not to be nervous |
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| Right before they took Josh out |
He was here! He was safe and he was here!
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| Joshua is here! |
I kept asking, "what does he weigh? What does he weigh?" Since Jon was a whopping 9 lbs 12.5 oz when he was born I had been mentally preparing myself for a large child.
"7 pounds even" came the answer.
I was shocked! I made them tell me a few times because I couldn't believe it! A tiny little peanut of a boy! Hallelujah! I remember thinking "yay! The cute newborn clothes I have are going to fit for a while!"
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| Getting weighed |
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| Getting measured and checked out |
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| Squish face! |
As soon as Josh was done being weighed and measured (which felt like an eternity) Jon brought him over to me. I couldn't touch him because my arms were strapped down but I wouldn't trade our first moments together for anything. When Jon brought him over he was screaming his head off. As soon as Jon put him up to me I started talking to him and he immediately stopped crying. He knew my voice! All those months I had talked to him and sang to him in my belly had brought us this moment. It was so perfect.
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| Meeting my son for the first time |
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| Saying hello to mommy |
After we said hello to each other for a few minutes, Josh had to be taken to the NICU for some bloodwork. He had a high fever when he was born and they wanted to make sure he didn't have a bacterial infection. Jon was able to go with him and said he did great.
Once I was sewn up I was wheeled to recovery. I had a hard time wrapping my head around what had just happened. One minute I was pregnant and worried and the next minute I was a mommy and blissfully happy. Such an amazing feeling. Once I got settled in my recovery room and had received major doses of pain meds I finally got to see and snuggle my boy. Jon and I spent the next 2 hours gazing into our little guy's eyes - marveling at the kindness and faithfulness of God. Here was this little human that was a perfect mix of mom and dad. Created in the very image of God. We were overwhelmed.
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| Right after surgery |
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| Staring and marveling at my little boy |
My parents were able to join us in the recovery room (not usually allowed but since my dad is a doctor they let him come back.) Such sweet moments as they met their new grandson!
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| Meeting Mimi |
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| Meeting Gamps |
After everyone had a chance to be introduced to Josh, mom and dad went home and we began our life as a family of three. We settled in to our post-partum room and the rest of the morning hours were a complete blur! Josh got checked out by the pediatrician and tested for his hearing. He passed everything with flying colors! The pediatrician told us he was borderline jaundice - which is very common among c-section babies. I started breastfeeding as much as possible and we exposed him to sunlight during the day.
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| Catching up on sleep with mom |
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| Skinny little legs and tiny feet |
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| Daddy changing his first diaper! |
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| Soaking up that sun! |
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| Rocking and sunbathing with dad |
We had family and friends visit on Wednesday and Thursday (more pics from that later) and by Thursday morning I was being forced out of bed and told to walk around. Boy oh boy it hurt like nothing else! I do really think that walking helped my recovery though so it was worth it.
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| Walking the halls (very slowly) with mom and dad |
On Friday morning since Josh's jaundice hadn't gotten any worse and I had proven I could walk around unassisted, they told us we could finally go home! I was so relieved and ready to get out of that hospital! We took our time, got a massage (yes they have a massage therapist on staff and all mommys and daddys get a free massage!!) and soon we were driving away - just the three of us. It's amazing that they let you just take a baby home. You don't have to prove you can really take care of them, they don't give you a manual...they just let you take them. Crazy!
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| Josh in his going home outfit |
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| We are ready! |
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| The new and improved Brown family! |
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| All snug in my carseat! |
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| Take us home Dad! |
I will do another post about our days at home but they were wonderful! Filled with diaper changes, late night feedings, a trip to the pediatrician and lots of hugs and kisses. We wouldn't trade this new life for anything and love love love our little boy!
Josh's birth didn't go how we'd planned. But in the end he got here safe and he is happy and healthy which is all we can ask for. The bible verse that I prayed so often over him while he was in my tummy kept going through my mind the entire time we were at the hospital. I clung to these words - "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess. For He who promised is faithful." - Heb 10:23
God has indeed been so faithful to us! We are so grateful and blessed!
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| Joshua's birth announcement - Star Wars Style (scale at 7lbs, darth vader clock at 2:15, lightsaber 19 inches long) |
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| 10 months trying to conceive. 6 weeks of morning sickness. 30 pounds gained. 16 hours of labor. Over 100 stitches. Wouldn't change a thing. |
